The band rolls silently on the ground
first weaving a heavy, straight line
then bouncing slightly upon the hard surface of the wall
causing it to backtrack,
and tilt ever so slightly to the right
it struggles to roll on
with the momentum it had built upon
struggling, teetering
as a consequence of science it falters
twisting, convoluting
contorting itself in innumerable imaginable ways
pulsing, convulsing,
until finally finding its place in a quiet, dusty corner
and the promises we had once exchanged,
wordlessly, painlessly
fade into the darkness.
dear k.
ReplyDeleteminimize the use of adverbs :P
"struggling, teetering ever so slightly" -> maybe better as"struggling, teetering"
conveys the emotion of being off-kilter more strongly, I think.
O, constructive criticism ba tayo? Sige ,game!
wala sa rules yung constructive criticism, pero mapipigilan ba natin yun? :P
ReplyDeletedear c,
ReplyDeletethanks. :P
hanep sa constructive criticism.