Monday, May 24, 2010

The Story of Us

The band rolls silently on the ground

first weaving a heavy, straight line

then bouncing slightly upon the hard surface of the wall

causing it to backtrack,

and tilt ever so slightly to the right

it struggles to roll on

with the momentum it had built upon

struggling, teetering

as a consequence of science it falters

twisting, convoluting

contorting itself in innumerable imaginable ways

pulsing, convulsing,

until finally finding its place in a quiet, dusty corner

and the promises we had once exchanged,

wordlessly, painlessly

fade into the darkness.

3 comments:

  1. dear k.

    minimize the use of adverbs :P

    "struggling, teetering ever so slightly" -> maybe better as"struggling, teetering"

    conveys the emotion of being off-kilter more strongly, I think.

    O, constructive criticism ba tayo? Sige ,game!

    ReplyDelete
  2. wala sa rules yung constructive criticism, pero mapipigilan ba natin yun? :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. dear c,
    thanks. :P
    hanep sa constructive criticism.

    ReplyDelete